The Medicine of Grief
Grief, at its core can open us up to new ways of being and loving, if we have the courage to sit with it, letting it in, sinking to the depth of it without allowing it to consume us.
Wintering, tucked away deeply being with the death and rebirth process and the profound cycle of endings and new beginnings. As a society we have forgotten the magic and medicine of sitting with and gently honoring our rites of passages.
I am no stranger to death and loss, it has been my souls initiation in this lifetime to become intimate with grief, dancing with it, alchemizing it into faith and purpose. And, like any relationship I encounter in, allowing it to change me on a cellular level, molding me into this new version of me. Carefully utilizing its chisel to chip away at all parts of me that no longer serve me in a productive way. That’s what grief can do for us if we sit with the natural process of it without running and hiding from it. There is this sweetness to grief, like honey at the tip of a sword. Carefully retrieving this nectar that God has given us. It reminds us of how deeply we invest our hearts into something/someone, as part of fully living. Highlighting the beauty in our capacity to love as humans.
When you hold a beautiful being in your arms as they take there last breath here on this earth, something within you changes. The heavens open for a brief moment and you are able to glimpse at the web that weaves all things together, bringing you closer to everything in a way you haven’t felt before. Your being is shattered into pieces and with the remains of who you once were scattered for you to pick through and slowly reassemble, creating this new version of yourself, hopefully in a way that honors this loss. This is the gift that death can bring. Death can be a bridge to deeper levels of living.
“According to the Vedas, when a being passes, they shed their emotional armor and find themselves finally free to love us fully, purely, and deeply in a way they may not have been able to do while here.
When a loved one passes, they tug on our hearts, encouraging us to go through pain and grief so we too can shed our emotional armor and feel the love we have buried inside.
What is the point of all the pain of grief? To help us find a place in our hearts where loved ones are waiting to have a new, heart-to-heart, soul-to-soul relationship with us. “
“In Ayurveda, Sadhaka pitta imbalance is when the connection between heart and mind is lost, severed, or broken from emotional trauma or the passing of a loved one. It’s also treated when there is a strong desire to know God or experience true love.”
There are some rituals and practices that can soften the edges of grief, while helping us be with the truest medicine of it. These practices will not stop the process of grief or release the grip off loss, only you and allowing the process of healing will do that. But they can remind you of the lighter sides of loss, and awaken the beauty around the process which helps the heart soften and sometimes swell with love and gratitude, this is where we are able to be with the gift that grief gives us. Death deserves reverence.
“The Maya people believed that the body was an extension of the soul. Our healing must begin inside out.”
Sacred ceremonies can play a tremendous part in your healing process. During ceremonies around grief, practices like limpias - a Mexican Traditional Medicine, also known as energy alchemy, can help bring balance after experiencing the trauma of loss. Clearing stagnate energies that are present when we lose someone we love, like guilt, shame, resentment, anger, confusion and fear. We clear the energetic space of our bodies and our homes. We sometimes close down the heart to protect ourselves and this causes imbalances in the body. Restlessness, anxieties, paranoia, fear, escapism, can sometimes activate addictions. During ceremony we can honor the brokenness the heart may be feeling, we can speak to our loved one in a way that we may have wanted when they were here, and didn't. We can honor life, their life, your lives together and the absence that is now so loud. Ceremonies with Moonflowers Wellness
Meditation, visualization and prayer can be like a salve over the heart and body system during the grieving process.
Rituals can create a safe space for healthy receptive behavior that encourages a sense of purpose. A simple but powerful ritual can be setting up an altar for your loved one, with a picture, a candle and some flowers, and visiting the altar daily.
Journaling has always been big medicine for me during the letting go process after any ending takes place, especially after the loss of a loved on. Each day write to your loved, and tell them how much you miss them, and share intimate details of your process and heart. Share your love. Dumping your heart out on paper for the Divine to witness.
Self-care is a priority during this sacred window of time. Making time for practices that bring you a sense of relaxation and joy. You can hold yourself through any feelings of guilt or shame that may arise for taking care of yourself during this time. Two truths can be present at once: we are able to grieve and also care for ourselves. Our loved ones would wish for us to be well.
Talk to someone you trust, a close friend, or family member. Spend time with people that fill your spirit, and if needed, reach out to a therapist.
Eat healthy. During my seasons of grief I follow a nourishing and warming diet that shifts my nervous system and replenishes my body. Grief can be an intensely depleting emotion. Here is a recipe to a warming and replenishing drink for the nervous system that I have incorporated into my practice, many times.
Invite sacred practices into your life like: yoga, singing, chanting - there are two Ayurvedic practices that really help create softness for my being: abhyanga the art of self massage and nasya which is a practice that is said to clear mental and emotional blockages. It is a treatment that involves sniffing herbalized oil. Nasya Oil
Aromatherapy. Lavender, rose, ravensara, bergamot, cedar, sandalwood, vetiver, myrrh are great allies for healing around grief.
Herbalism. Working with specific herbs that soften grief can assist in the healing process. An herbal tea blend that I make and recommend to clients is: Holy basil, Motherwort, Linden, Rose, Lemon Balm, Mint and Chamomile. Herbalism with Moonflowers Wellness
Somatic Movements and soft yoga or stretching. Yin Yoga can provide a soft place to land, especially if the class is focused on the meridians that target grief. Yoga with Moonflowers Wellness
Time in nature. Allowing The Great Mother to hold you during your healing process. Taking time to be with the sun and earth. Walks and ceremonies in nature are great healers for the entire being, during all phases of life.
“The Maya people believed that the process of death was called “entering the water” passing through the watery underworld, a sacred act that furthered the death and transformation process preparing for the connection to the spiritual realm. Water represents life, and the cycle of creation. We are all returned to the stream of life - we come from water and return to water.”
I also want to acknowledge the process around the type of grief when someone passes that may be attached to other deep emotions, maybe it was a loved one we didn’t really know, and we are processing resentment because of that, maybe it was a spouse that was abusive. These practices will also help to bring a sense of closure to the relationship, and offer deeper levels of healing. These practices can also be used for any type of ending when loss is experienced, such as with a job, relationships, a move, or even sickness.
When working with sacred practices and rituals, we are reminded of the importance of all cycles of life, including death. We are encouraged by Mother Nature to trust in these cycles, that there is fertile ground for planting our seeds, after we experience the cycle of death.
Con Amor,
Amanda